i want to feel special again. i want to believe that someone goes out of their way to love me. i want to feel that i am loved. i want to tell the world that i feel loved right now. right here. but i cant. i keep feeling tossed aside. i feel uninteresting, boring, nothing.

i want to be something. or someone.

no. want to be your everything.

but i dont think i am.

Labels: koi, sad

this is a crappy crappycrappy dayy!!!

i cant believe i went thru this hell.

*sigh

it all started with the jeep drivers going on strike.so, i had to depend on mama to bring me to school. considering her really busy schedule, i was really late to class. it wasnt really a hard prelims at pe but wat we did was just weber!

it doesnt even qualify as a DANCE. what has the world come to..?



"tara. samahan mo akong pumunta sa PNB banawe."

"cge. taxi tayo?"

"yeah"

*banawe ave

"omg! nasan na pnb?!"

"ang OA naman nito, pero, thats really the 4th BDO we passed!"

"yeah. and the 3rd china bank and 5th Metro bank. but still no PNB"

"tanong na lang natin sa trike driver"

...

"juls, labas ka na."

"ok"

"thanks, kuya. dito na lang kme."



"excuse me, mamang guard, pede po ba magwithraw dito ng cheque ng ibang branch?"

"itanong niyo na lang sa cashier."

"excuse me, pwede po ba dito magwithraw ng check from another branch?"

"yeah. pero may fee."

"thats alright po."

waaah! ayoko na ituloy.

basta. pnb banawe was moved to e.rod. FUCK!!

hindi ko inabutan yung long test dahil dun.

nadeny yung check ni ysa kasi signature difference.

low grade on first lab exam.

no bat ang cp q by 5.

kami ang last group to be dismissed kasi hindi makita ang fucking metaphase sa animal mitosis.

siksikan sa car ni exxon.

baka walang car for xmas chabbo shopping tom.

just because you're currently "broken" doesnt mean i wont write on you anymore.
just because hardly no one ever reads my blog doesnt mean i'll stop rambling on you.
just because i have an lj doesnt mean i'll forget you.

its just that i hardly have the urge to write anymore. HELL, i dont even draw on my beloved sketchpad!

reminds me that i hardly get to use my pencils, imagination, paper, and hand anymore. there is just no spark in my life right now. not even a little click. nada.

except for migz.

but there is nothing that inspires me to draw or write at the moment.

i really miss the time when hours would fly by while im so absorbed in the world im creating in paper. i LOVE to draw. its my passion. but there is just no spark.no flame. not even friction!!

OMG! i need to find inspiration. i have to bring my sketchpad to school again. There might be a chance that i might suddenly have the urge to create another world.

do you know what it feels for me to draw? i cant really put it in words. really. but there is something i read that is almost what i feel.

"When you are drawing, it is like the whole world ceases to exist. It is just you and the page and the pencil, maybe soft classical music in the background, or whatever, but you dont actually hear it, because you are so absorbed in what you are doing. When you are drawing, you ar not aware of the time passing, or what is happening around you. When a drawing is going really well, you could sit down at one o'clock and not look up again until five, and not even have any idea that so much time has gone by until someone mentions it, because you are so caught up in what you are creating.
There is nothing in the world, i have found, that is like it. Watching movies? Reading? Not really. Not unless the story is really, really good. And very few are. When you are drawing, you are in your own world, of your own creation.
And there is no world better than that."
- Meg Cabot, All-American Girl

Really. Almost like this feeling. Actually, just a very, very, very little difference in what i feel and that.


BTW, i want a new sketchpad or/and drawing materials for christmas! XD

speaking of drawing materials, i have always wanted soft pastels, chalks, different shades of charcoal, a really BIG and good eraser, a box of pencils, a big sketchpad, EASEL!, canvas, paint(oil), new pencil colors(48 pieces), and a good model.

waaah! im drooling just thinking about it.. <3

i think, the charcoals would suit me better. i was never really good with colors. black and white and grey are more my style. but i want to learn rendering, too. i could manipulate colored pencils, and very little paint, but i cat get the hang of chalk and pastel. uh-uh. im willing to learn, though.

i also want to try oil painting. it takes a lot of time and determination, according to my beloved dess. and yeah, it realy does. but it would be so cool if i could and would be able to do it just like she did. XP she really makes very beautiful art.

im better at scultures and stuff than painting. but really, all it takes is practice. just like drawing and everything else. PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE.

soon, i hope i could do it soon.

my parents promise to provide me with art lessons and stuff this summer for taking up Nursing. But i wont be having summer breaks for 2 years. Trinity holds summer classes for AHSE students. unfortunately, 1st and 2nd year BSN is under AHSE. --__-- bad job!

to those people i gave my drawings to, be grateful. i just gave you a part of my soul. that is how i love you. BTW, joy, do you want a part of my soul, too? i dont remember giving a part of it to you. XP

remind me to sketch you something. maybe make it a digi art. although i think ur better at it than me. XP

Labels: drawing, passion, rambles

why does this happen every single f-ing time? just when i FINALLY think, everything is going to be okay, i end up crying, lonely, sad, mad, and suicidal.

all i wanted was a fucking apology. and i end up with a cool-off request. what the hell was that?! and to think, at the end, i am at fault. SHIT! what a turn-around.

----

when i got off the LRT yesterday this was what was going through my head:

please get off the LRT. pleaseeee
i'm begging you. get off the damn thing and come with me.
please please please
please let the nex thing i hear be your voice behind me
please and lets be happy together
god, why do i keep on hoping when i know there IS no hope
im so stupid
sigh
pleasepleaseplease
he wont leave, stupid!
you always think youre special when youre not! he wont come for you. tsss
please.

------

why in hell am i in love with him and his stupid pride?!?!?!?!???!?

Labels: fight, koi, rambles

and now, again, i have been forgotten. spat out from paradise's mouth into the deep hell. until time comes, for someone to save me, here i will be, alone and forgotten.

heaven's eyes are closed. his deep breath resonate with mine. lost in the land of dreams, heaven holds power over me.and when heaven's eyes open, and take my lips to his, then will i only give him, the greatest gift of all.

durrrr! sir just had to cancel our class when i already left home. i mean, really! what the hell was that?! so we have to have this 3 hour break then we are not sure whether we have other classes or not. T.T

tapos, natangay pa ni exxon ung regalo ko para kay miguelito.

hayyyyyzz..

grabeh. i've just had one of the longest phone conversations ever.

ron and i started talking at about 9.30 or 10pm, and ended the phone call, 2.30am. XD and my record before was 4hours 30 mins. XD

its really a nice ego booster. i felt pretty and wanted again. :P im sorry, but thats really how i feel. and i write it down in the risk of being called insecure and vain, or KSP.

i needed that ego booster, though. after my ego deflating because i got set aside and forgotten for the sake chem 17. what can i do?

i don't mind that much anymore. i have ron now! XD lolz. joke.

its nice to get distracted from loneliness. XP really nice.

its funny. he was really quiet in class, not meeting my eye when he talks to me and just kind of mumbles his way through. but when he's safe from ilde's grasp of humiliation, he just becomes talkative, and funny, and sweet. XD

he's sooooo devoted to his religion. and he tries to help me by being preacher-like and wants me to experience salvation that i don't need (in my opinion, anyway).

reminds me, he started liking me because there was a time he gave me this pamphlet of some kind for salvation-chervaness. and i got offended. i mean, did i really look that delinquent-ish? i returned it to him with all the cheerfulness i could muster that moment. then, that rejection kind of challenged him, i suppose. -__-

weird kid.

the thing is, when i asked him what kind of girl he likes, he described a girl quite the opposite of me. i asked him why the hell did he like me then?! his answer: ewan.

weird kid.

i got him to tell me what kinds of papansin and "pasimpli sa pagsulyap" he uses and he said some kawaii stuff. XP he told me that he'll pretend to look at the teacher but he's actually staring at me. or before we go home, he'll glance at his back to see whether we'll go straight home or hit the malls or play dota or whatever, first. then he'll text me "ingat. gbtc....". when he makes "papansin" he'll deliberately try to get caught looking at me. or he'll pass me several times to do unnecessary things just for the sake of passing me and the chance that i'll look at him. XD but my favorite was when he pretended to help me open the windows during CE. and he got "kilig" coz "nagdampi ang mga daliri namin"(these were his exact words) and got me giggling so hard, i almost woke jasmine up. XP


wala lang. its just nice to be noticed. it makes people feel special. i havent felt special for a long time. its a nice distraction from the reality that im not.

im playing a DAMN second fiddle.

chem 17 is taking koi awy from me and its damn frustrating. i wouldn't mind a day or two, a week is a long shot, but two weeks?! and more to come?! ^*&$!

but, i cant stop him. its acads. its necessary.

hayyz

sadness. n. a state of unhappiness and hopelessness

for no reason at all, i feel sad. unhappy. depressed.

it wouldve been fine if i knew what made me sad so i could fix it. but, noooooo... i have to have this weird mood where i suddenly i become unhappy for absolutely NO REASON AT ALL!! it drives me nuts!! i cant even control it. its as if all the happy energy is drained from me.

dementors, anyone?

-__-

today was a fine, normal day.. laughs, hugs, lectures, notes.. and then.. NSTP came.

long story ----> short story = ryan accidentally on purpose traced my drawing with g-tech. OMG. i almost cried. he didnt know that it'll upset me and also, he thought that i gave him that drawing. but, god! it was like a stab in mu heart. damn, it hurt!

xhet!! i couldnt believe my eyes. my precious, beautiful, well-crafted drawing was desecrated by him.

i forgave him because he was my friend. blah, blah, blah.. but if he ever did that on my sketchpad drawings... ITS WAR!!

im thinking... and wondering...

was my decision of taking up BSN the right decision?

so many "what-ifs" fill my head every day. its not that im regretting my decision, but, the way dess and mica talk about UST and FA.. it makes me jelous. i think: 'i should be the one saying those stuff! i should be drawing till my hand hurts. i should be sleeping late and being allowed to stress over paintings and drawings'

but.. still...

i'm waiting for the clock to turn 9:30 while writing this.

so far...

im liking college. i have a funny, interesting group of friends.our teachers are not unapproachable as we thought. we got the wrong impression on our chem lecture teacher. the assignments are not as grueling(yet). and nothing disastrous have happened. not counting the time we broke the elevator in the HS building. we fixed that, anyway.

but, i must focus more on my academics. i must. i must. we proposed the challenge of all of us making it to the dean's list. wahahahahaha! we can do this! yeah!


5 more mins and im going to take a shower.

waah! i forgot to read our assignment. no matter. i will make it. i still have an hour to prepare for school, print the assignment and eat..

i will not spend much money today. nauubos na pera q! so, today, friday, and saturday, is my "much-less-spending day"


did i mention my Socio102 teacher is black?wala lang.. share..


its 9:30 on the dot.

i'll post later. or not. (wai! nahawa kay joy at migz.) T-T

Labels: college

something is bothering my baby koi.. i'm worried.. he didn't tell me or even mention anything to me... being difficult does not help.. i am definitely going to ask him what's wrong tomorrow morning, before his classes start..

i just hope that he'll tell me.. that he'll understand that if he keeps stuff like these to himself, it bothers me..

OMG. OMG. OMG!!

you have to watch this.. you are not human to not appreciate this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En0A8KGMgq8

this really annoying alarm of jasmine's woke me up. 5.30am.. urg. i have a morning class today i thought. i looked over jasmine's bed. damn! she havent woken up yet! and that alarm is really loud.

i groggily made my way to the shower, selecting my usual conditioners. yes. conditionerS. after my morning shower, i woke jasmine up from her deep slumber and began blow drying my hair. it took faster than usual, probably because my last haircut thinned my hair.

as i was getting dressed, i quickly decided to wear my chucks(chao yun) over my wonderful heels today, for the simple reason that we have gym, first period.

by 7am, i'm already at school, making my way to the bookstore to buy my pe uniform. unfortunately, the bookstore was closed and i was forced to wait alone at the covered walk near the gym. hayyy.. bat kc anaga q, e! but, duh! kc, ayoko magcommute, sumabay aq kay jas..

and finally, a classmate appeared. her name was patty, short for patricia. she was really nice. we had fun talking and bonding with her.

after a while, familiar faces started milling around the gym entrance. and at 8.30, we started class. just a simple orientation on that subject, blah blah. anyway, the main thing then was that i discovered that i was right about a classmate. we WERE seatmates back in elementary and we became pretty close at that time, too. :P

so, anyway, we were dimissed an hour earlier and now had a 3-hour break. patty, dona, myla, and another girl(xhet! i forgot her name!) and i went to jollibee to pass the time and eat. an hour after, we were bored yet again and reluctantly decided to go back to campus to walk around. since it was scorching hot, we had to go to a shade namely the canteen. uuurgg.. it was just as hot and humid but at least we were protected from the sun. 30 minutes before the bell, we went to room 339. yes!! aircon!! whoooo! i finished my book in front of the aircon. weee~~

we were redirected to another classroom for our chem101 lecture. the prof was strict. but she was funny. the chem101 lab prof was stricter than the other. but, she, too, was witty.

we had an hour break and bonded with the people from lunch plus ryan.

straight to NSTP we went. i met dick, ysa and kester.

after class, ryan, ysa, kester and i went to BK. we were going to pancake house but changed our minds when we got there and moved to burger king. it was fun being with them. soo cool! XD haha. im enjoying school na.

today was definitely better than yesterday. XD

waaah! we have a new car!! d' max is the model.. kakoii!! hontou! XD its a cool pick-up. wahehehhe. its the first time that we have a brand-new car! weee~

Labels: college, daily, second day

weeee~~ college na aq.. lol


i found ily sitting on one of the waiting benches thingie when i entered my building. i was like yes!! may kasama aq! yey! we talked for a while, waiting for our class. she mentioned that she saw a few of our schoolmates, lauren included. ugh.

there was about 30 more minutes before classes start so we went to this bulletin board where the assigned rooms were listed. and good thing, too! because she suddenly realized that it was wednesday and not monday. if ever, on her first day in college, she would enter the wrong class!! phew! talk about close call. XD

so i walked her to her building(para aq ng lalake) then went back to mine.

a number of students were waiting outside the classrooms. and since there was another class in our room, i took out "the burning times" and began to read. soon after, this friendly looking girl introduced herself to me. we are classmates, she said. 1nu26, right? yep. we ARE classmates.

she really was friendly. when we got inside our room and sat, she befriended the whole table before our professor even showed up. XD

Fil101 was our first class. and the permanent professors of each class werent decided yet. 15 mins before the time, she dismissed us.

i befriended this pretty girl. she was into anime and drawing, too. yokata desune! XD

and there was this guy in my class, i think he was my best friend in my elementary years. i couldnt approach him, though. i got shy because he was with a friend.


so anyway, after class, two of my classmates went to jolibee. we bonded a little..

then i went home. aun

:P

that was my first day in college. bow. XD

my last haircut in a salon was like, 2 years ago. YES. two reallllyyyy long years. since i was growing my hair, it took them a year to convince me to trim my hair. not cut. just trim. when i reached my goal (hair up to waistline), i got ate jen to cut my hair. and i did that for cosplay.

to be honest, i liked my hair better before.

thats because i have uber high maintenance hair!! durrr.. i need like a thousand hair products for my hair to become manageable. and for my hair to cooperate with me, i need at least 30 mins to an hour and a half of hair of blowdry and application of hair products to have my hair look decent..

and when i take that long, i usually end up unsatisfied.. hayyyy...

tapos i have wavy hair when straight hair suits me better. and i cant get it straightened because my course require my hair out of my face, meaning ponytail.

i want LOW MAINTENANCE HAIR!!

Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little-known facts about themselves. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

ehrr.. ummm...

1. mahilig aq magdabog pagnafrufrutrate lalo na pag hindi aq makapagdrawing kc wala sa mood ung kamay qng gumawa ng magandang sketch, tapos maglilinis agad aq para di halata na nagdabog aq. (with matching iyak pa ung dabog!)

2. neat freak aq sa school bag, training bag for swimming, at sa locker. pero sa kwarto, hindi.

3. i used to have a single, white whisker on my right cheek. (may lahi talaga aqng pusa!) pero nabunot xa, hence the little brown spot on that cheek.

4. patagilid ung ulo ko pagnanonood ng TV, plays, movies,etc..

5. nagkaroon na aq ng major crush sa babae. pero i definitely am not a lezzie.

6. i am addicted to hugs. kahit sino, basta kilala q, kaya qng i-hug.

7. nagpapadala aq sa peer pressure. kahit minsan ayaw q at hindi q pinahahalata

8. i kind of hope that i am dying or near-death most of the times.

9. i dont like oreos and i hate pineapple.

10. i dont believe that christ is god.dontknowwhototag. XD

Labels: tags

i have (half-)read this book called "happiness sold separately". and the title speaks for itself. that book is the perfect example of my most despised kind of books. and whenever I even think of that damned book I get so frustrated I have to get my hands on something to throw just to vent my annoyance. And it seems that neither the two main characters of the book really became happy during that time. that makes me ask myself whether or not i am the same as them. never really experienced happiness. no. i have. i definitely have. and I definitely still, will!

i have experienced happiness quite a few times in my existence. okay, okay. a lot of times. and there are certain times that i felt the exact opposite. of course, a few people know what happened when depression entered a chapter of my life and took over. that is something i never want to go over again. even if there are certain periods that those "bad things" come back to haunt me and i usually end up almost reviving that awful memory, but i will keep my promise to all to NEVER repeat what i did.

anyway, i am happy when i am with my friends, namely, my HS barkada, Joy, Dess, my cosplay pals, and the people who stuck by me in my times of loneliness. i am happy when my family eat, laugh, talk, and spend time together. i am happy when i cosplay. i am happy when i alleviate my passionate urge to draw, to write, to do something somewhat creative. i am happy when things go efficiently and as planned. i am happy when there is someone by my side at my time of need. i am happy when I please people. i am happy when i finish a good book. i am happy when i goof around and play like the child i was and maybe still am. but most of all, i am happy, or sometimes, happiest, when i am with my very own, gorgeous, intelligent, SG koi.

never in my life did i think that i would have fallen for someone like this. this was never my fairy-tale romance. my own version of fairy-tale romance would be something like this:
"i would meet a guy that i like. we would become the best of friends. then, bit by bit, we would fall for each other. i would know everything about him except how he feels about me. after a time of questioning whether he loves me too or not, he would muster all his courage to confess his never dieing love for me in the most romantic way. and i would admit that i loved him, too and our relationship would be taken to the next level as we explore the other side of our friendship. and we would live happily ever after."

nope. it was never like that. it was waaaaaaaay better. my fairy-tale romance could never compete with real-life love. absolutely not. it was far more sweeter, and bitter at the same time, which only makes it sweeter(labo!). and it was the other way around. i loved him first before he became my closest friend. even if everything may not always be perfect(duh! what is?!), its still the one of my most significant and treasured relationship. i can never believe that this is truly happening. its too good to be true that sometimes I wonder if im just hallucinating and then find myself waking up from this oh-so-wonderful delusion. but, its actually happening and I can only hope that this amazing feeling never ends. ‘cause this is it.

this is what everyone wants. this is the key to happiness. bliss. and I actually have it. the common four-lettered word that crosses everyones lips from time to time. i quote “[****] is like a number for it may be real or imaginary”. this is what every person created by the almighty God needs. the inspiration of most of the great artists. the thing that is so complicated yet so simple.





love.

Labels: happy, koi

Labels: family

i take back what said in my last post, the one entitled "plastic". i was wrong. and i'm glad that i was. and now, i feel differently about my barkada, my friend, my going-to-college-relief.

look back at my last last post. i never did blind myself. ok, maybe a little, but not as much as i thought. and for the wrong reason.

i blinded myself because i believed that my friend was saying half-truths. well, she was saying nothing true, at all. they were down-right lies. maybe to gain attention? impress people? make herself look good? i dunno. but she was doing that.

there were too many lies that even she can't keep track of all of them and just pile them up on top of the other, covering her lies with more lies. burying each lie with another. burying her dignity and pride with it.

we, meaning my barkada and i, tried to help. honest. even if it took us time to confront her, we did. we asked her, tried to make her confess. told her that we'll love her no matter what. but..

nothing. we achieved nothing. she covered it all up again with new lies. new stories. new unbelievable 'facts'. and you can't blame us that we did'nt really tried. we really TRIED. twice, for that matter.

she denied it all and made up another story that doesnt really fit her previous ones.

but, you know what, i still like her. i don't know about other people, but, i still do. i really do. maybe because we spent a lot of time together. or because she's nice to me. or maybe for some unknown reason, i cant bring myself up to dislike her.

anyway, her aside. i feel that i'll really, really, really miss my barkada. kahit sinabi ko date na 'i want out' at i'll feel relieved that i'll be living them soon, hindi ko matatangal yung apat na taon na kasama ko sila at napamahal ako sa kanila. kaya, whatever happens, mamimiss ko sila. soooobra.

Labels: tomodachi

yesterday..

• i woke up at 5 am even if its a saturday and i slept 12mdnite the previous night
• i went to school for our CEP
• i went to bilibid prison
• i met kuya leck.
• i got my nails cleaned
• i looked like a fairy/elf/pixie/girl/me/someone else when i attended Rose's debut
• there was a BIG confession
• there were fireworks display
• was hazel's birthday
• was a pictorial
• i panicked,
• i almost cried,
• i laughed,
• i had fun
• i felt guilty
• was a blur
• i slept at around 1 am(its technically today)

i blinded myself. i told myself that everyone in my barkada gets along really well. that we really are friends. that we accepted each other as we really are. i really believed it. but i had this creeping feeling that it wasn't all good. a suspicion that nagplaplastican lang kami.

for me, though, i am really happy with my barkada. i learned to love their hate for anime. i learned to like them for their love of pink and purple. i learned to tolerate the gossips. i grew to love them as they were. without judging them.

tapos kanina, i find out nagplaplastican lang kami. i was talking to alheckx and somehow i got into a group discussion. about a kabarkada.

they were actually backstabbing her. and they have this list of what they hate about her. what's worse was her so-called best friend was in it. her 'bestfriend' was the one of the people smiling at her face then rolling her eyes when her back is turned. worse is that, i didn't do anything. i didn't defend her. i didn't tell them to stop. i didn't leave. heck. and i even asked if i couyld read their 'list'.

but, the problem is, she is what they say. she claims things that are not actually true or only half the truth. boasting things that she didn't do.

but, why talk about it behind her back? why not just confront her? if i think about it, i wouldn't confront her either. but if you can't confront her, can you at least not talk behind her back? diba? kasi ang sama nun,e. yung pag-uusapan niyo siya. bat di niyo na lang pag-usapan? o kaya, pwede bang wag niyo na lang siyang pag-usapan?

it makes me think that they actually might be doing this to me. backstabbing me, i mean. they may act all friendly and angelic. but actually they're being demons.

is that friendship? do you honestly think that we are friends? or talagang nagplaplastican tayong lahat.

i really am kind of plastic like them. because, i can't voice this out. i rave about it in my blog but i can't confront them. i scared. of what will come out of it.

i'm afraid. what if 4 years of friendship is just 4 years of plastican? i want out.

i can't believe that i'm kind of relieved to go to college because i won't be with them. but, half of me want to be with them. i really loved the time with them. but if it really was just plastican, i won't even regret feeling like i do now.

Labels: tomodachi

Labels: tomodachi

have you ever woken up, realizing that you miss a friend that you oh-so-love?

then you realize that you're not as close as you were. you grew apart from each other. the fork road forced you to leave each one? the hand you were once clasping is now with another. and now, you desperately want that warm hand back? no?

well. i did. i have this close friend. lets call her bess (sa mga nakakaalam. oo, tamad aqng maghanap ng ibang pangalan.)

well, bess was my ultimate closest friend. she knew almost everything about me and often claimed that she knows me better than i know myself. and there are times that i really believed that.

see, the problem is, i belonged to this tight group and for some reason, they don't like bess. and they tell me to keep my distance. but i didn't want to. so it started creating problems to my group. they tell me that if i wanted to leave them, i could. but i don't want to leave them and i don't want to leave bess. and i was stuck. i had to choose.

i chose my group. i didn't leave bess. i just kept a small distance. and slowly, that small distance became bigger and bigger till one day...

bess is closer to the person who once disliked her. we see each other but we don't talk like we used to. its like (i quote from mica) "we exist but we dont co-exist". i don't know what's going on with her life. there is this huge gap between us. an unspoken wall that was built while we were apart. separates us. divides us.

i was sad. i am still sad. i wished that i could turn back time. but you cant. you just have to keep going forward. we have no choice.

Labels: tomodachi

so you want to know who i really am. maybe to confirm your view of me. maybe out of curiosity.

what you will be reading in the future will be little parts of myself that i write down. to get off my chest. because i was inspired. or bored. or just in the mood to write.

but little by little.. you will come to me.. even if its a little part of me. its still me.

you may know me. you may not.

but do you really know me? or merely brushed the surface of my reflection?
have you entered the depths of my being? where my true self lies.whether she is awake. or still dreaming.
do you really know? do you even wish to know? if you have no desire to, i have no problem with that. just leave.
to those who want to see my real self, are you sure you want to see me? the real me? or do you already know?
or just pretending to know?